The Juice

Oh, dear Readers, I'm afraid a very important scandal may have passed below your radar... Not because you're, you know, out of the loop, you just don't have nothing to do roll like I do...

But, much like Lewis Black, I'm here to catch the news that falls through the cracks.

Three words: Orange Juice Scandal!

Oh yes. Read on. (Like you can help yourself!!!!)

Apparently, Tropicana's decision to change their carton has people up in arms! The New York Times even wrote about it! I'm hoping and praying that it is just a nice little outlet for the consumers to distract them from the REAL issues, like, oh, I don't know, the economy and how they probably can't even afford the orange juice anymore...

So, here's the before:

And here's the after:

I have to admit, it took me a solid 5 minutes to find my regular type of OJ because the distinctions on the cartons are tiny! (Light 'N Healthy, baby!) At the grocery store, a solid 5 minutes is really a lot, or at least more than necessary. Call me Ms. Reasonable or Ms. HasALife(Sometimes), but it didn't really upset me. Or maybe I was just placated by the coupon in my hand- damn you, Tropicana!!!

But any lingering indignation slipped away as I went to pour myself a glass the next day and saw this:

The cap is a little orange!! Is my juice coming out of a fresh orchard? Do you smell the birds, the bees, the...uh, chemicals and underpaid workers? :( Or maybe that is simply the true source of the juice, the orange's anus. I remember a comedian's bit about that little part of the banana that gets stuck in the peel at the bottom-- it's the bananus!!! And should be avoided, I might add.

So, there you have it, the scandal of the century. Oh, you just drink the store brand and don't even care? Well, cheers! :)