Sunday, November 7, 2010

Not So Good Friday

Pop Quiz!

What do this handsome fellow and I have in common?

Ridiculously good-looking?

Obviously. And thanks for noticing. ;)

Pilot's licenses?

Yes! (It has turned out a little better for one of us... :-/ )

Failed the Bar Exam on the first try?

Sad, but true.

I FAILED, people. Or, as RightHand insists I say, I didn't pass.


For so many reasons, including but not limited to:

1. The embarrassment and humiliation!! For all their talk of confidentiality, the Georgia Bar Examiners post a PUBLIC LIST of who passed. I would have told anyone and everyone, as I have, but still. STILL. In case you're curious, here are all the people who are better than me.

2. I feel like I let down my family, especially RightHand and the furkids. Unemployment does not help finances and family stress. I want to contribute so badly. And my mom paid for my hotel room for the two testing nights, RightHand acquiesced to my perpetually bad mood over the summer...and on and on...

3. It made me question even being a lawyer. Was this a sign that I should give up the law gig and open a doggie daycare? (I'm serious, here!) After a family chat, we decided I'd stick with it. Which leads me to...

4. I have to take it again!! Mother of Pearl I hated those 2 days! Packing my stuff in plastic baggies, the freezing temperature of the exam room, the stress, the fatigue... OY!

5. I will be studying again while trying to plan my wedding!!! Apparently I welcome stress and panic with open arms...!

6. I won't even find out my results until after my wedding! (I suppose this has its pros and cons, though...)

7. This did not exactly help my employment situation. Enough said.

So yes, it sucks. BUT. BUT!!! In so many ways, this has been a positive life experience. Because:

1. People have come out of every part and facet of my life to support me and love me. My dad said "We're disappointed for you, not in you." My future mother-in-law told me, "We love you, not the test you took." And a mere acquaintance sent me some of the best genuine support I could have imagined. Passage or failure, I was at a point when I really need to hear all of this, and there it was.

2. Lesson learned! I didn't study enough. I didn't. Seriously. I did as much as I could at the time, but it was not enough, and it was not my best. You get out what you put in, and I learned that lesson nice and hard this time.

3. Along those lines, I haven't failed much in life. I'm not trying to brag, etc., it's just true. I have had a great upbringing, excellent schools, etc. The Universe decided that I really needed to taste failure, and I've gotta trust that. I have a legit story of huge disappointment to tell my kids. Hey, you need that, you know.

4. I can take it again. No matter how much I don't want to, thank God I can!

5. I will pass on my second try. Hopefully. But truly- it's a second chance! Time to do my best work now. Cozy indoor-studying beats longing for the pool any day. :)

So, sorry, Junior, but that's where the similarities end. :)


Jillian said...

1. You have a PILOT'S LICENSE???!!! Very cool.
2. I love this blog. You are such a sunny person, I'm glad to see that is still true, even through this slight setback.
3. Regarding needing to learn of failure in order to grow in life, that's basically what I told myself when job after job rejected me for the past 3 years. And when I stunk up the moot court competition. And when a judge told me during the mock trial competition that I was a train wreck. I've done a lot of growing recently. )

Randy said...

Ack. Yeah...welcome to real life, Reagan! :) Not everything turns out the way we want it to...the FIRST time...but hey, it's the bar exam--they have do-overs! YAY! And if I recall correctly, didn't you have a bunch of health issues around the time you took the test??

I talked to Charles at Uncle Chuck's birthday party on Saturday, and I'm paraphrasing but he implied that in his experience, sometimes there's no rhyme or reason associated with who passes and who doesn't. Plus he said he was blown away by how hard the Oregon test was for him.

Anyway, try not to stress too much. JFK Jr isn't the only famous/successful lawyer who didn't pass on the first try. A certain Hillary Rodham Clinton didn't pass the DC exam (although she DID pass in Arkansas), and my very own "new" governor--Jerry Brown--is right there with you.


Dingo said...

Hi, just catching up on my blog reading. I tell you what, nothing anyone can say is going to make you feel better right now -- although I agree with RightHand. You didn't fail, you just didn't pass. That's never more true than with bar exams.

But look at it this way, so much of the stress from the first exam was due to issue unrelated to the actual exam. Cold room, night in hotel before exam, etc. Now, you know what to expect and can plan. It may help. Good, good, luck on the next time around.

And girl, STUDY!