Agreed

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more". Erica Jong in How to Save Your Own Life

Enchant me

Nearly two weeks ago, I meant to write about the beautiful moon I saw.

As I crested the hill on the sidewalk outside of my apartment complex during my run, a yellow-orange moon came into sight and literally took my breath away. It was absolutely huge and stunning. I gave a little gasp and couldn't stop staring at it. Sometimes the beauty in this world is too much.

The magical moon made me think of the word "globe"...I've always thought it romantic and intriguing, probably just because of the Globe theater..And also the word "enchantment." I'm ready for something magical to happen; I'm ready to be enchanted.

Horoscope

You may be shaking up your life starting at ground level, for explosive Uranus in your 4th House of Roots is being encouraged now by boundless Jupiter in your sign. Don't look for reasons to maintain the status quo; any change is better than none. Ultimately, the current instability will fade and the permanent changes will become more readily apparent.

It's nothing if not interesting. And I guess it's true. My horoscope is usually dead-on. I thought this was a fluke; I just assume that we all read what we want to from the horoscope and see how it fits us. So, a few times I have read other signs' horoscopes- and they seriously don't really apply to me. But, that also could just be me tricking myself again. But, I still check my horoscope nearly daily, take it with a grain of salt, but still secretly wonder how this accuracy emerges so often...

name change

why the hell am I typing on my blog right now? Maybe because social life is based around technology now and it just sucks. sucks suck sucks. I'm so angry at so many different things now, including myself.

My post below seems IRONIC. I thought I knew what lost was. Now I really do.

Lost

So many lost opportunities, lost hours, lost days, lost nights, lost sleep, lost smiles, lost love...

Quote from Pilot

"I laugh at my fellow Indonesian pilots. Of course they come to his defense in this crash with the words that 'it was an act of God.' Maybe they are right.... God says you want to be a dumb shit, you deserve to die."

This was from a friend of a family friend who went to fly out of Indonesia (don't know why). But it cracked me up. There was a lot of pain, tears, and sweet words in his e-mail about the crash, but these blunt words were my favorite.

Stolen Moments

So I thought I wouldn't blog about him. But it's just overwhelming right now.

I went surfing around on the Internet. which I often do, to the random sites I have bookmarked. And I found where he joined in on an intellectual discussion about being a Christian. And I was simultaneously proud and sad.

Proud because he can always hold his own. At dinner parties, on blogs, with me, etc. The man is intelligent and well-spoken (although maybe he even is better in Times New Roman because the verbal words can get a little drawn out sometimes...) But with love in my ears and heart, I always listen, and truly care.

Sad because he doesn't often share thoughts like that with me. At least not anymore. If I remember correctly, I think it happened a bit more often when we first started dating. But things weren't quite right, and I probably got upset, etc. etc. But now, daily life and schedules have cruelly stolen good chances for meaningful conversation. The day consists of stolen moments away to make quick phone calls...even while eating, while walking, hell, while talking to someone else, mouthing words. And then the night....argh, the night...it brings uncontrollable fatigue and short tempers and sensitive souls.

If it is me who has pushed him away from anything but superficial conversation, I want to fix that...make time for it, communicate through e-mails instead, etc.- any other ideas that would help, I'm willing. If it is himself that makes him hesitate, then I want to help him through this.

I hate how this seems like a message to him; it isn't. It's just me. My thoughts, my whatevers. My outlet. Caution- high voltage. Hahaha. Aw, I crack myself up. Hey, there's one person who appreciates me, however fleeting the moment. Boo.

Before this becomes a ridiculous lament of self-pity and playing the victim, I shall sign off and preserve whatever dignity I have left, if any. Goodnight and good luck.

And P.S.- I had better not be following in the footsteps of Scott Turow...sheesh