So I thought I wouldn't blog about him. But it's just overwhelming right now.
I went surfing around on the Internet. which I often do, to the random sites I have bookmarked. And I found where he joined in on an intellectual discussion about being a Christian. And I was simultaneously proud and sad.
Proud because he can always hold his own. At dinner parties, on blogs, with me, etc. The man is intelligent and well-spoken (although maybe he even is better in Times New Roman because the verbal words can get a little drawn out sometimes...) But with love in my ears and heart, I always listen, and truly care.
Sad because he doesn't often share thoughts like that with me. At least not anymore. If I remember correctly, I think it happened a bit more often when we first started dating. But things weren't quite right, and I probably got upset, etc. etc. But now, daily life and schedules have cruelly stolen good chances for meaningful conversation. The day consists of stolen moments away to make quick phone calls...even while eating, while walking, hell, while talking to someone else, mouthing words. And then the night....argh, the night...it brings uncontrollable fatigue and short tempers and sensitive souls.
If it is me who has pushed him away from anything but superficial conversation, I want to fix that...make time for it, communicate through e-mails instead, etc.- any other ideas that would help, I'm willing. If it is himself that makes him hesitate, then I want to help him through this.
I hate how this seems like a message to him; it isn't. It's just me. My thoughts, my whatevers. My outlet. Caution- high voltage. Hahaha. Aw, I crack myself up. Hey, there's one person who appreciates me, however fleeting the moment. Boo.
Before this becomes a ridiculous lament of self-pity and playing the victim, I shall sign off and preserve whatever dignity I have left, if any. Goodnight and good luck.
And P.S.- I had better not be following in the footsteps of Scott Turow...sheesh